An on-going challenge for some women is “Premature bonding” or getting attached too quickly. Women often allow themselves to become emotionally and physically close to a man before they have figured out if he is what they’re looking for and if he has what it takes to qualify for that closeness.
Many women get caught up in those first date butterflies and the excitement of seeing each other that we forget to take the time to really get to know this person before allowing ourselves to get attached.
So, you’ve met a great guy. There is lots of physically attraction and chemistry, flirting back and forth and your butterflies are flying every time you see or think about him. You’ve had a few dates and the conversation starts to lean towards getting physical.
There’s nothing wrong with a physical relationship if you’re both on the same page. Where things go off the rails is when you get attached too quickly, and then he stops calling or returning your calls.
If your plan is to meet someone and see if there is any future potential it’s important to take the time to get to know each other. Physical attraction and chemistry is absolutely important but what about all the other stuff that’s important to you? Don’t you want him to also fall in love with your brain and the inner quality that make you who you are?
When you look at your list of “most important things” or “what I’m looking for in my ideal guy” are you taking the time to figure out if he has those things, or at least most of those things?
One of the ways to avoid getting attached too quickly is to date more than one man at a time. Yes… unless you’ve had the “Let’s be exclusive” talk, it’s okay to date more than one guy at a time. I’m not talking about sleeping with everyone but rather spending quality time together doing the things you both enjoy so you can get to know each other better.
If you make a plan to meet and go out with a few guys you can take some time to learn about what he’s interested in. What does he do in his free time, what are his future goals, what about family and his friends? Is his personality consistent or is he up and down? Does he have time to include you in his life and does he want to, and better yet do you want to make time for him in your life?
What are the most important character attributes and traits you’re looking for? Make up a list of questions that keep the conversation going and allow you to learn as much as you can about him. Go beyond the “Where did you grow up?” and “Where did you go to school?"
When you have a lot going on you feel better about your options and won’t mind if one or two fall by the wayside. When you have options it’s not about settling but rather picking the one who most fits what you’re looking for.
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